Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
