He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
