i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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