it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
