went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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