He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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