I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize