We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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