Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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