So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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