even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I party with great urgency now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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