Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
