Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
