one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
