take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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