Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I think I am morally bankrupt
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
