I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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