so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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