I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
