YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
