ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
