I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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