Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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