At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
