New invention idea: vibrating tampons
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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