why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
