Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
