is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
