I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
