He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
