When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
