So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Semen is not good for contacts.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
