he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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