Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
