Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
