Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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