i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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