He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize