I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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