apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
