Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
