do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
