then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize