LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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