Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize