New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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