I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
