god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
