I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
