Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
