How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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