my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
