We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she peed on how many people?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
