I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
