god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
