I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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