My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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