I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
