i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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