from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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