A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
