I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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