she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
