I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
