i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
