i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
