Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
