this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You ruined the universe
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
