when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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